THE QUEST.
I struggle with parenting my teenagers. I wish I could talk to my own mom about raising teenagers. I think she did a good job. After all, we turned out pretty good. J We are well adjusted adults with great relationships. We love Jesus and depend upon Him for our salvation and our daily life. We are open, unpretentious, un-materialistic, loving people who strive to follow Christ in all we do. The rearing of another soul is a big responsibility. How do you do it? How did my mama do it?
I remember my mama and her patient counsel through our teen years. She seemed to do a good job. Even as a teen I think I thought she was a good mom. My friends would come over and spend hours talking with my mom. She was special. I miss her insight. I wish she was around for me to ask questions: questions about how I behaved as a teen, and how she dealt with it. I know she wasn't "perfect" but she was great!
I know the biggest reason that my mom was a great mom was that she turned to Jesus for help and guidance. She read her Bible every night; she meditated on the Scriptures; she prayed for us relentlessly. Before my mama died she said "don't make me into a saint" and I don't mean to! I know of her imperfections, her insecurities, her fears, her failures…but she was a wonderful example of one who had spent her life following God. She turned to him in repentance for her sins and she turned to Him for His guidance in her daily experiences. She was an example to me of one who is mature in the Lord. As she had depended on Him and submitted to His will, He had been working on her, changing her from the inside to make her more like Him.
I know I presented her with a fair share of parenting challenges. I was a willful, loud, selfish, Christian teen. I was insecure. I have a daughter who is a lot like me…and I want to know, "Mom, what did you do?"…"How did you deal with me?"
I know I felt loved by her. I don't think my teen daughter thinks I'm FAIR, or EMPATHETIC, or LOVING, or SUPPORTIVE.
I know she always believed in me and wanted the best for me. My daughter thinks I don't care about her, or want to talk to her. I think the main message my teen gets from me is "Really?"; "So what?"; "You're being selfish/rude/mean". Not very helpful parenting messages. I feel like a lousy parent. And then I feel guilty over our lack of relationship, so I make up for it by not being as consistent in discipline, or by giving in on one of her demands. Not very good parenting boundaries.
My mom always had time to talk with me, to listen and give loving guidance, wise counsel and prayer. I don't have that kind of time for my teen. And I know she wants MORE of me. She wrote me a letter asking me for time together. This is good news: she wants to be with me and talk with me. Even if it is just to register some complaints, we could spend some bonding time together. But I don't feel there is any more of me to give. I am tired. After work there is so much to do (homework, cleaning, cooking, laundry, music lessons, drama, dinner…and before you know it it's bedtime). I feel like the mom in "The Mom Song" by anita renfroe with me so busy correcting the children all the time, with just a "don't forget I love you and tomorrow we will do it all again…" at bedtime.
My mom would have sweet times with us girls at bedtime. And maybe I'm the one being selfish here. But teen bedtime is often 9:30 and I'm tired. Also I'd like a little time with my husband after the kids are in bed. My mom didn't have a husband to talk with after kid bedtimes. This meant she could spend that time with us girls and our concerns. This was beneficial to us as teens, but would not be ideal for me to not have any quality time with my husband. My mom didn't have the support of a husband.
So, should I ask "W.W.M.D.?" "What Would Mama Do?" Or more specifically, "What DID you do, Mom?" I have a daughter struggling with the teen issues. Most of which are standard "teen tendencies" but how do I guide her heart to Jesus? How can she see past herself and those dang "ingrown eyeballs"? What's a mama to do? What did my mama do?
THE GIFT.
Recently, I was straightening up my room and I came across the box of my diaries. And I pulled out my first diary: Age 13 to 17 (ahhh, the teen years). I opened it to read of my crushes, my questions about life, my friends and activities amid the messy handwriting and the "Dear Diary" format. What I found within its pages was a letter: a letter from mom to the teen me. In fact, sandwiched between many of the pages were these letters from my mama. Letters which were lovingly, prayerfully written to a teen who was acting out. I cried. What a gift, a beautiful gift from my Mama. And a beautiful gift from God: for is was indeed God who had her write to me and He who had me keep the letters. So here in my mama's beautiful handwriting was the parenting advice I was seeking. Here was my mama dealing with my selfishness, insecurities, "teen tendencies". Leading me to God for repentance and help in my struggles.
I opened the letter and read. Ouch. It was very heart wrenching. The words of my mom. I miss her so much. The actions of the teen me. I was so mean to others, so selfish, and such an unkind brat! It was hard to read about how rotten I had been to my mom and my sisters. It was too much. I put the letters away. Praising God for this answer to my heart's desire.
It has been a month or two and I am ready to read these "lessons from my childhood". I will have to confront my inner brat. But it will be good for me to be humble as I deal with and direct my teenage daughter.
THE GOAL:
I would like to read and process and journal about these letters on my blog. I'm not sure how that will go. But, I process really well when writing/blogging. J I like the idea of "Lessons from My Childhood". I haven't read them in about 30 years. So I do not know what all they contain. But I am ready. R U?
PepperLove
